What am I waiting for?
My heart's still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
Today was definitely one of the worst days I've had in awhile.
Anna's right... we're seeing a side of Michael we don't like. And if it is his true colors, maybe I should stop hanging out with or seeing him. Yeah, right. Just... God... why the hell do I have to be so fucking hung up on him?
I seriously cannot get over him, no matter how hard I try. I mean... I've tried... I really, really, really have. It doesn't work. And he just makes it worse by treating me like he does now, because it makes me feel like no matter what- he'll always have control of me. And I kind of like it that way. But I need to stop letting him get to me or... something. God, I'm just so confused.
My main question right now is... what did I do so wrong? I mean, one day we're fine and perfectly happy. The next... it's over. What is it about me that suddenly repels him? Am I hidiously ugly or annoying or too childish or immature? My next question is... does he still like me at all? I mean... Christ. Anything with him right now would be fine. A Brian/Justin relationship is perfectly acceptable. If it means I can touch him and be with him and kiss him or even fucking hold his hand again... then I'm up for it. I just don't know what to do. Seriously. A person's teen years aren't supposed to be this hard.
I normally don't spill my feelings like this. I tend to put up a facade and illusion of constant happiness... but I had to get it out somewhere.
On top of everything else, I have finals all week, starting tomorrow. I haven't even started studying. When did my life turn into an episode of Degrassi?
The new journal is almost done... I'll post it soon.
I hate you, but I love you
I can't stop thinking of you
I don't know what to do
I'm stuck on you...